


you, me, and music

by iccampfire



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21694114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iccampfire/pseuds/iccampfire
Summary: Seulgi and Joohyun have known each other for 10 years now. 10 years of ups, and downs, trainings, rehearsals and performances. 10 years of friendship. Now, Seulgi wants to show Joohyun exactly how much she means to her.Or Seulgi picks songs for Irene featuring mostly Red Velvet tracks, with a lot of reminiscing and moving forward included.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 87





	1. three cheers for ten years

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to the Red Velvet discography the other day and I just realized how so many of their songs can tell a story. So here, my first Seulrene fic ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter: 2 Things by Jimmy Brown (I suggest listening to it before reading or when you get to *that* part)

The early morning sun is filtering through the kitchen window, the dorm is peaceful and quiet, save for the food sizzling in the pan. Seungwan is singing to herself, carefully placing the strips of bacon onto her plate, and preparing the batter for her pancake. She isn’t always a morning person, but everyone agrees that there’s always something special about the quiet early mornings in the dorm. For Seungwan, it’s about being alone with her thoughts, her music and her food. She takes a cup of coffee, warm in her hands, as the pancakes cook. She smiles as she takes a small sip - **BAM!** \- Seungwan sighs at the sound of a door slamming somewhere in their shared apartment followed by a thunder of footsteps running down the stairs and into the hall.

“WANNIE!”

Seungwan throws a glare at her best friend, but it’s easily wiped away at the sight of the loud girl, now seated at their dining table. Her hair is sticking up in all sorts of places, with so many loose strands out of her bun, and her pajamas are still wrinkly as if she has literally just rolled off her bed.

“Well, good morning to you too, Seul.”

Seulgi smiles brightly her eyes turning into crescents, “Good morning, Wannie!”

“So, what’s up? And keep your voice down please, everyone else is still asleep and I don’t want to be harassed by Yerimie and Sooyoung so early in the morning.” Seungwan turns her back to Seulgi, focusing on properly flipping the pancakes over.

“Sorry, sorry. But I really need your help!! So, I was in bed, I kind of woke up cause I didn’t close my curtains all the way last night and the sunlight hit my face but anyway, I woke up and then I realized something!! Hyunnie and I have been friends for 10 years. TEN! Can you imagine that? Well, it’ll be 10 years in a couple of weeks, at least.”

“Wait. You know the exact day you met?”

“Yeah!” Seulgi replies, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Do you know the exact day **we** met?”

“Uh… in September?”

“Not even close. But go on.” Seungwan slides the pancake onto her plate and takes the seat across from Seulgi.

“Anyway, so we’ve been friends for 10 years. And we’ve been through so much together! And I want to give her a gift for the 10 years.”

“Just cause of the 10 years?”

Seulgi’s brows knit together in confusion. “Yeah, why else?”

Seungwan hums in response, cutting her pancake into pieces. “Ah, nothing, just wondering. So how can I help?”

“I don’t know what to get her! I can’t think of anything! I can’t get her a necklace or anything-“

“Why not?”

Seulgi rolls her eyes, “She’s the muse of Damiani! Do you know how much necklaces she has?!”

“Ah - right.”

“It’s so difficult! Maybe I can get her a bag? But she has so many! Or a hat? But she has a lot of hats too! Should I get her something purple since that’s her favorite? Or something that reminds her of our friendship? Or… or…”

“Wow, so this is what it’s like.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know I talk and ramble a lot but it’s interesting being on the receiving of it.”

Seulgi huffs and grabs the fork, pointing it at Seungwan. “Cause this is a problem and you’re not helping!”

“Okay first of all, relax. Deep breaths, Seul. Second of all, what about we go shopping later and see if there’s anything you can get for her? P”

“Oh, yeah, we could do that.”

“See. Simple. Now let me eat.”

Seulgi smiles at Seungwan, the fork still in her hand.

“What?”

Seulgi flashes her friend an even brighter smile, as cute as she can manage.

“Oh my god, fine, you can have this. But you’re buying me lunch later.” Seungwan groans as she pushes her plate towards Seulgi and stands up to make another one.

“YES! THANKS, WANNIE! YOU’RE THE BEST!”

* * *

“I give up!” Seulgi groans as she rests her head on the restaurant’s table. “There’s nothing for her in this entire street!”

“We saw so many nice things, I’m sure unnie would appreciate any of those.” Seungwan reaches out to pat Seulgi on the head in an attempt to reassure the other girl. “Why is it so important to you that we find the perfect gift anyway?”

“Cause it’s 10 years of friendship!”

“And it’s Joohyunnie. She will love anything you give her, you know that, right?”

Seulgi sighs, “Yeah, I know but… I want this to be special.”

“I mean, I get that. But why does it mean so much to you?”

“Because Joohyunnie makes me so happy. For 10 years now, she’s made my life feel so much brighter. She’s always pushed me to be better… but not in a bad way. It’s like she inspires me to be my best self… I mean, you all do that for me. But she feels special you know? I can’t imagine my life without any of you guys… but without her… I think it would break me if we weren’t friends anymore. Is that weird?”

Seungwan hums in response, “No… not really.”

Their lunch continues, and Seungwan distracts Seulgi by talking about other things. They’re in the middle of dessert, when Seungwan finally says what’s on her mind, “Seulgi… I have to ask you a question. You’re my best friend so please don’t be offended by it.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Are you… maybe… in love with Joohyunnie?”

“Huh?! What? No! I mean… I love her for sure. Like as a friend. Like a special friend. Cause she is. But not in love. For sure.”

“It’s okay if you are…”

“You’re crazy, Seungwan. Why would I be? I’ve never even considered myself gay before or even bi. And with Joohyunnie? That sounds crazy. Totally crazy.”

“Okay, okay, sorry I said anything.”

But Seulgi continues to ramble, “I mean, do I think she’s pretty? Definitely. I mean we all do, right? Like doesn’t the whole entire world agree she’s a goddess? And is she amazing? For sure. Does she make me smile? Always! Am I happy when I see her? Yeah! Do I worry about her? I mean I worry about all of you. But sometimes I worry if she’s hiding stuff because she’s the leader and if she’s happy. I really want her to be happy, you know? Cause she deserves it. Do I want to hold her hand? Yeah, they’re so tiny! They fit in mine so well! Her hugs are definitely one of my favorite things and she smells so good all the time! And she’s so kind, she loves us all so much. She’s a great leader and she’s secretly really funny and I’m glad we see that side of her. But in love? Yeah no way…”

Seungwan stares at her best friend in silence, waiting for the gears in Seulgi’s head to click.

Seulgi is still mumbling to herself, waving her dessert fork around when suddenly, “OMO!”

“Yes, Seul?”

“I’m in love with Joohyunnie.”

“There we go.”

Suddenly, Seulgi drops her fork and grabs Seungwan by the shoulders, “Wannie!”

“What???”

“I’m in love with Joohyunnie.”

“Yes, we’ve established that.”

Seulgi beings shaking the tiny girl. “I’M. IN. LOVE. WITH. UNNIE. WHAT. DO. I. DO.”

* * *

Seulgi watches as Joohyun sticks her tongue out in concentration, her paint brush delicately moving across the paper.

“How could I not have realized sooner that I’m in love with her?” Seulgi thinks to herself. “Loving Joohyun is easy… but I wonder when it changed… from me being in awe of this amazing woman to actually being in love with her. Maybe I’ve always loved her?”

“Seulgi-yah… you’re not listening to me.” Joohyun pouts, and it takes everything in Seulgi not to squish her unnie’s cheeks.

“Hmm? Sorry, I spaced out.”

“I was asking if this was okay.” Joohyun said showing Seulgi her work.

After the duo drew Santa Claus for their Christmas VLIVE, Joohyun has been asking Seulgi for art lessons. It’s not anything formal, Seulgi never really had lessons so she doesn’t feel qualified to teach but she knows it’s another way for Joohyun to release all her stress, plus, the older girl really does love learning new things. They’ve drawn a couple of times, and Seulgi can already see the improvement in the older girl’s work. Today, however, Seulgi suggested they try painting with watercolors, which Joohyun happily agreed to.

“Of course, it is!” Seulgi answers, “Do you like it?”

Joohyun shrugs, “It’s not as good as yours.”

“Hyunnie, I told you, I’ve had a lot of practice. This is your first time doing it in years! Besides, are you having fun?”

“Of course! I’m with you!” Joohyun answers simply, and Seulgi is grateful that the older girl is examining her work again so she can’t see how red Seulgi’s ears have gotten. 

“A-anyway, if you want, we can draw on it when the paint dries? Just to add something to the sunset you painted.”

Joohyun nods in agreement and sets their paintings aside. “Oh, there’s this song I want you to listen to. Well, Seungwan sent it to me.”

“Hmm?”

Joohyun pulls out her phone from her pocket, plugs in her earphones and hands one earbud to Seulgi.

“Yah, unnie, who still uses earphones? You should really let me buy you airpods instead.”

“At least I don’t lose these. How many airpods have you lost already, Seulgi-ya?”

“Three.” Seulgi mumbles.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear that. How many?” Joohyun says, a smirk on her lips.

“Just play the song.” Seulgi pouts.

Joohyun laughs then presses play. Seulgi hears the first chords of the guitar and she can’t help but feel her chest tighten. She knows this song, Seungwan made her listen to this song the other day too. Seulgi turns to look at Joohyun, whose eyes are closed as she softly sings along to the music. “I fell in love in spring, have loved you like summer…”

Eventually, Joohyun opens her eyes again and Seulgi tries not to overthink about the soft look she’s giving her. “Feel it through your eyes all that I been missing…”

“I got 2 things, 2 things, 2 things on my mind…” Joohyun smiles, then points at Seulgi, “You and music…”

Seulgi’s ears are on fire again, and she’s sure her face is starting to turn red when Joohyun reaches for Seulgi’s hand. “Sing with me!” Joohyun laughs, and raises their arms together, making them sway as if they’re in a concert. “Got me singing like lalala, lalala.”

Seulgi laughs, they must look stupid, but sings along anyway. “Baby won’t you sing with me, your love got me saying lalala”

The next song plays but Joohyun doesn’t take the earbud from Seulgi. Instead, she brings their paintings and materials closer to them, allowing them to continue working while listening to music together. They sing along to many songs, Seulgi’s body constantly warm from how close they’re sitting to each other.

“Maybe earphones aren’t that bad after all.” Seulgi thinks then turns to Joohyun, whose eyebrows are knitted together, and her tongue is out again in concentration as she scribbles on her painting.

“Don’t look! I’m almost done!” Joohyun says, nudging Seulgi away. Seulgi tries to take a peek but Joohyun elbows her on the side.

“Ow!” Seulgi cries as clutches her side. For a second, Joohyun looks at her in panic, thinking she actually hurt the younger girl.

“So dramatic.” Joohyun sighs, then slides her work over. On the bottom part of her sunset, sit two shaded figures, a string of earphones connecting them and music notes floating above them. “That’s you and me.”

“This is wrong.” Seulgi blurts out in response.

“What do you mean?” Joohyun frowns. “You don’t like it?”

“These girls are the same height! I’m definitely much taller than you.” Seulgi teases, and Joohyun’s pout turns into a glare as she punches Seulgi in the gut.

Seulgi laughs as Joohyun begins to tickle her. “I’m just kidding! It’s great! I love it!” Seulgi overpowers her leader and wraps her in a hug, an idea forming in her head. “I love it, I really do. You, me and the music.”

* * *

Sooyoung is eating breakfast with Seungwan and Yerim when the doorbell rings. Before she can even push their maknae off her chair to get it, Seulgi is already rushing to the door with a shout of, “MINE!”

“What’s that?” Yerim asks.

“Gift for Hyunnie! Byeeeee!” And Yerim, Sooyoung and Seungwan watch as Seulgi runs back up to her room.

“Why does Joohyunnie get a gift?” Yerim asks.

“Something about them being friends for 10 years already.”

Sooyoung raises her eyebrows at Seungwan, and Seungwan mouths, “Later.”

“Heeeeeeey, she’s known me for longer! Where’s my gift?”

“Uh… You know… That’s definitely a conversation you should have with Seulgi and not me.” Seungwan shrugs, “But maybe you can guilt trip her into getting you some add-ons or whatever for your games.”

Yerim’s eyes flash with delight, “You’re so smart sometimes, Seungwan-unnie.”

Sooyoung cackles at that and laughs even louder at Seungwan’s hurt expression.

“Yah! What do you mean by sometimes?!”

* * *

“Wow. Surprising to actually find you here.” Seulgi says, leaning on the door frame to Sooyoung’s room. The two are on the bed, Sooyoung looking for some photoshoot ideas while Seungwan watches over her shoulder.

“I know, she won’t leave me alone.” Sooyoung says, not even sparing Seulgi a glance, as she continues to scroll on her laptop.

“You’re the one who wanted to hang out!” Seungwan cries as she tries to push the taller girl off the bed, but the girl barely budges.

“Yah… so weak, Seungwan-unnie.”

“Anyway, can I borrow Wannie for a minute?”

“All yours.” Sooyoung says, not before throwing a flying kiss to both her unnies.

As soon as Seungwan enters Seulgi’s room, Seulgi hands her a delicate white package.

“Is this it?” Seulgi nods in response. “She’s gonna love it, Seul.”

“You think?”

“I’m sure she will. It’s thoughtful and unique and very you.”

“Okay, good” Seulgi lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, “Now that’s out of the way. Our 10 year friendship anniversary is on Sunday. How do I give it to her?”

“Are you going all out?”

Seulgi shrugs and plops on to her bed. “I guess so, huh? If the songs here are any indication of how I feel. God, Wan, what if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if I go through all this effort… and she just hates me afterwards?”

“Listen, I can’t speak for how unnie feels about you, but even if she didn’t feel the same way, I know it won’t get in the way of your friendship.” Seungwan pulls her best friend into a hug. “Unnie loves you, that much I know. Is she in love with you? That’s really up to her. You know how she keeps things close to her chest. Even if she’s sharing more and more with us, this is way too personal. She may need time to be comfortable with it, but you won’t lose her.”

“I’m really scared, Wan.”

“Hey, I believe in you. Which reminds me!” Seungwan pulls out her phone. “You know how you’ve been trying to find the perfect songs and all? I thought of this one for you!”

As soon as Seulgi’s own voice starts playing on Seungwan’s phone, the duo starts laughing. “Really? This song?”

“If you get nervous just play this song in your head.” Seungwan sings along. “Don’t you wait no more, don’t you wait no more, don’t you wait no more.”

“Thank you so much, Wannie.”

“Just ask her out to dinner, then you can give her the record then! Or when you get home. It’ll go great! SEULGI, FIGHTING!

* * *

It’s 10:38 on a Sunday night and after meeting up with some friends visiting from Canada, Seungwan is expecting an empty dorm. She toes off her shoes, and switches on the lights in their living room.

“YAH! SEULGI! You scared me!” Seungwan said, clutching her chest at the sight of her best friend lying face down on the couch, unmoving.

“Oh. Hey Wannie. You’re home.”

“Yes, I am. Why are you here?? Shouldn’t you be out with Joohyun-unnie??”

Seulgi groans and her reply is muffled by the pillows around her.

“Say that again please.”

Seulgi sits up and she looks utterly distraught. “Okay, so you know how you told me to just ask her out to dinner and then just do it there? Well, I may have forgot to ask her beforehand because we’ve been so busy. So, I was thinking, no worries, I’ll ask her when she gets home. But when she arrived, I was taking a shower-“

“Surprising.”

Seulgi sticks out her tongue at Seungwan before continuing, “Then when I finished getting ready, I was going to as her out but Sooyoung and Yerim beat me to it! They said they were tired from their dance rehearsals and wanted to go to karaoke.”

“Did they not invite you?”

“They did, but honestly, I was feeling too down. We planned so well for this!! Today was supposed to be **the** day!! And now I don’t know when to do it. Honestly, I’m also a little bummed she didn’t remember the importance of today. It’s just… a lot of emotions right now.”

Seungwan sits beside Seulgi, “You’ll get another chance, Seul. It doesn’t have to be today. Ideally, sure. But you’ll get another chance. And knowing Joohyunnie, I don’t think she forgot. She’s just been so busy lately with her CFs that I don’t think she had the time to get everything together.”

“I guess you’re right.” Seulgi sighs, “Anyway, want to play Mario Kart with me? I’ve been alone for an hour now and I’m bored out of mind.”

They play Mario Kart and any other games they can find well into the night, only pausing when the others blow up their group chat. Their group chat is filled with videos of Yerim and Sooyoung singing as loud as they can, and Joohyun’s laugh possibly even louder. Seulgi can’t help but smile even bigger every time Joohyun’s face comes into frame.

They then send photos from their midnight snack in Sooyoung’s favorite chicken restaurant that thankfully serves tteokbokki, so that means Joohyun is smiling in the picture too. Seulgi and Seungwan send pictures of them playing Mario Kart and suddenly Yerim is itching to get home so she can “Show you oldies how it’s really done.”

The trio stays out a little longer when Sooyoung challenges Yerim to see who can finish their plate of chicken the fastest, Joohyun sending videos with a hint of disgust in her voice as she officiates the match.

A little after one in the morning, Seulgi figures that knowing the two maknaes, they’ll keep Joohyun out for as long as they possibly can. Plus, Seungwan must be tired too so Seulgi sighs and reluctantly puts the games away and heads to bed.

Seulgi isn’t sure if it’s all the video games or just the emotional toll of the evening that helps her fall asleep the moment her head hits the pillow. Her sleep is heavy and dreamless, but at one point, she dreams of a figure gently walking into her room then suddenly fading away.

A siren goes off in the distance and Seulgi groans, opening her eyes slightly to check the time on her phone.

**5:21 AM**

She turns away from the wall, trying to get comfortable again when she notices a framed picture on the other side of the bed. _“Wait-what?”_

Seulgi’s eyes shoot open and she scrambles for the lamp switch. The light is blinding for a moment, but as soon as her eyes adjust, Seulgi knows she’s not dreaming. There, propped up on her cabinet, beside her bed is a framed picture of a swing set against a purple and orange sunset. She reaches out for the small note attached to the frame.

**“Seulgi-ya,**

**I didn’t see you much yesterday. We’ve been busy lately, haven’t we? I don’t know if you know it, but we met 10 years ago today. So, let me thank you for being my friend for 10 years. My life is better because you’re in it.**

**Love,**

**Your Baechu.”**

Seulgi gently sets the note aside and sets off for Joohyun’s room. She opens the door to see the older girl asleep and snuggled warmly under her blanket. She wonders for a moment if she’ll be angry at her for waking her up, but before Seulgi can even think of going back to her own room, her feet lead her to Joohyun’s bed. Seulgi is kneeling on the floor, her hand resting lightly on Joohyun’s head, “Baechu-unnie, thank you. Thank you so much.”

At first, Seulgi thinks Joohyun can’t hear her, but the older woman opens up her blanket and moves to give Seulgi space to lay down beside her.

“Thank you for being my friend for 10 years.” Seulgi says again, as she pulls Joohyun into an embrace.

“Thank you also. Now let’s go back to sleep, Kang Seulgi.” Joohyun mumbles, burying her head into Seulgi’s neck.

* * *

After a week full of rehearsals, the girls are finally back in their dorm, relaxing after a great dinner courtesy of Joohyun.

Seulgi has always loved how Joohyun insists to treat them to dinner from time to time, not because she loves food (well, not only because of food), but because it was one of the ways Joohyun made sure to take care of all of them. They all had their own money and could afford what they wanted but this was always Joohyun’s way of saying she loved them without saying the words out right.

Now, everyone was in their pajamas, Seulgi is standing at the kitchen counter, accepting the different snacks that Seungwan hands her for their movie night. Yerim is on the couch, her head on Joohyun’s lap as she plays one of her many games, while Sooyoung dutifully tries to find something for them to watch.

“You haven’t let her listen to it yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“You can do it now, you know.”

“But we’re about to have our movie night.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll deal with the other two. Because after this, when will you get the chance? Our comeback is less than two weeks away, we have to practice every day until then and I’m sure we’ll be too tired for anything afterwards.”

Seulgi is wringing her hands, her eyes fixed on the trio by the TV.

“I’m just saying, Seul. Tonight might be the night.” Seungwan says as she gets Yerim’s favorite chocolate and makes her way to join the others.

Seulgi knows that her best friend is right. Honestly, Seungwan is rarely wrong. Tonight’s free night is rare, but that’s why they decided on having a movie night together. Will Yerim and Sooyoung feel bad if she stole Joohyun for the night? But beyond the timing, Seulgi is terrified, what if Joohyun thinks the idea was terrible? What if she doesn’t even think about their friendship as much as Seulgi did? What if she’s making a fool out of herself? What if-

“SEULGI-UNNIE!”

“Ah - sorry, Sooyoung. I’ll be there in a bit.”

Seulgi runs her hand under the kitchen tap and wets her face to wake herself up before she joins the group. She takes a seat at the other end of the couch, lifting Yerim’s legs to place them on her own lap.

“So, what are we watching?”

Honestly, Seulgi doesn’t hear Sooyoung’s response. Her body is suddenly hyper aware of everything else going around her. She can feel Seungwan nudge at her legs from her seat on the floor. A nudge that signaled, “Do it now, please!” She hears Yerim cry out in frustration over something in the game, and when Seulgi turns to their maknae, Seulgi feels like her heart is about to burst. Joohyun is laughing, her eyes shut, her head back but her hands still stroking the youngest’s hair in an effort to calm her down. She’s sure she’s sending what Sooyoung and Yerim call, ‘heart eyes’, at Joohyun but she can’t help it. She is beautiful and too adorable for Seulgi to handle.

Another nudge at her knee causes Seulgi to snap out of whatever trance Joohyun locked her in and she looks at Seungwan who is tilting her head towards their leader. Sooyoung is looking at Seulgi as well, a smirk on her face which makes Seulgi want to hide, because she’s sure Seungwan told Sooyoung everything. The small thumbs up Sooyoung gives Seulgi is reassuring, yes, but not any less terrifying.

_Okay, this is it._

Seulgi stands, takes a deep breath, and pretends to stretch before turning to the woman on the other end of the couch, who is now back to watching Yerim play on her phone. “Unnie?”

“Yes, Seulgi-ya?” Joohyun smiles as their eyes meet, and Seulgi tries her hardest not to melt.

“Remember that record player you bought me for my birthday? The orange one… that you bought when we were in LA? Anyway… I haven’t used it yet because I was looking for the perfect first record to break it in. Anyway, I finally found the perfect record! We should listen to it! Since you gave it to me. And… yeah… so do you want to come up and listen to it with me?”

Sooyoung looks like she’s about to burst out laughing at Seulgi’s rambling. Seungwan is shaking her head and Yerim has her eyebrows raised at Seulgi.

“Oh, sure! That sounds fun! What about you guys?” Joohyun asks, as she pushes Yerim to sit up so she can get off the couch.

“Eh, maybe later. Sooyoung has been telling me all about Parasite so I really wanna watch it.”

“Yeah! And I’ll watch with Seungwannie just in case she has any questions.”

“What about you, Yerim-ah?” Joohyun asks.

“Oohh, I’ll come! OUCH DID YOU JUST PINCH ME?”

Sooyoung glares at their youngest. “I- I mean, I’ll listen to it next time! With Seungwannie and Sooyoung-unnie. Besides, Seulgi-unnie has such a small room we might not fit. Yeah, yeah, I’ll do it next time.”

“You’re so weird.” Joohyun chuckles, as she ruffles Yerim’s hair, “Lead the way, Seulgi-ya.”

Seulgi hops up the stairs, two steps at the time, mostly out of nerves.

“Okay, so get comfy, unnie! I’ll set it up.”

Joohyun sits with her back against the wall, her knees folded to herself and Seulgi’s blanket wrapped around her.

Seulgi gently gets the vinyl out of its sleeve and puts it on the turntable. Before she lets the needle drop, she turns to Joohyun who is watching her intently with a smile on her face.

“Actually, Baechunnie, this record is a gift for the decade of friendship. I promise I had this before the day, but you were busy, then you went out with the children… and then we got really busy preparing for the comeback and I didn’t have time to give this to you.”

“Don’t worry, Seulgi, all I gave you was a picture…”

“A really important picture that I love! It’s so me and it’s so us… and on my end… I wasn’t sure how to condense all those years into one gift so, I decided that it’d be best through music. It’s the biggest part of our lives anyway.”

“Seulgi-ya… thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you might turn out to hate it.”

Joohyun laughs. “If it’s from you, I doubt it. I love everything you’ve ever given me.”

“Are you comfy? Okay, good. Here we go. This is very special, so I want us to really enjoy it.”

Joohyun pats the space beside her. “Well, come here then.”


	2. all that we've done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the music begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was initially going to be one chapter only, but the purpose of the first half felt different from the second so.... here you go. :) Songs are in bold and italicized are flashbacks

Seulgi takes her place on the bed, and Joohyun immediately puts the blanket around her and pulls her arm close. “I’m excited.”

“Honestly? I’m a bit nervous.”

“Why? It’s just me.”

 _“You don’t know how amazing you are, unnie.”_ Seulgi thinks before saying out loud, “Anyway, just listen.”

**Hello Tutorial**

“Yah… are you just promoting your solo?” Joohyun teases, poking Seulgi’s side.

Seulgi sheepishly shakes her head. “Do you remember when we first met?”

“Of course! I had just finished in the practice room and was walking back to the dorm when you just tapped me on the shoulder and introduced yourself. You asked me if I wanted to have dinner with you and Yerimie.”

“Yeah, and the little demon ended up eating more than the both of us.” Irene laughed at the memory, while Seulgi continues. “I’ve never told you or anyone this, but that wasn’t the first time I saw you or even heard of you. When you arrived at SM, a lot of people were talking about you. Because you were so pretty.”

“Seulgi-yaaaaa…” is all Joohyun can say as she tries to hide her face in the blanket, Seulgi trying to pull it back down so she can see her face.

“I’m serious! I was so curious about this girl from Daegu. Then one time, I just saw you, waiting in the hallway for your turn in the practice room. Your hair was black, like now, and you were wearing all black. You definitely stood out. You didn’t see me then, but you were by the chairs, reading a book. I swear, I stopped in my tracks because I was so surprised at how beautiful you are.”

“Why are you being so nice?”

“It’s the truth! Every time in an interview when I say you look good from the side too, that’s what I remember. It helps that you’re pretty from the front too.”

“And the back, right?”

Seulgi can feel the tips of her ears turn red but promptly ignores Joohyun’s teasing. “Anyway, I wanted to say hi right away. But I was so nervous! So, for the next couple of days, I’d practice what I’d say to you in the mirror.”

“I must have looked so stupid. Hi! I’m Seulgi! Hello! Kang Seulgi here! Hi, I’m Seulgi you can call me Seul!” Joohyun bursts out laughing at Seulgi’s reenactment.

“Then Yerim caught me one time, and she was so young, but she was already making so much fun of me. That’s why she was there with us, actually. She found me right after my singing lessons and said you just ended yours and was about to head to the dorm. She dragged me across the hallway, pointed at you and literally pushed me to introduce myself.”

“Remind me to thank Yerimie then.”

“No, don’t. If Sooyoung found out, she’d never let me live it down and right now, I’m hoping Yerim doesn’t even remember.”

“You mean our Kim Yerim? If it has something to do with teasing you, I’m sure she remembers.” 

Seulgi groans, “You’re probably right.”

Joohyun pats the younger girl on the back, leaning closer to Seulgi’s ear and Seulgi swears her ears cannot possibly get any warmer. “Correction, I’m always right.”

“Okay, next song!” Joohyun declares before moving her face away from Seulgi’s.

Seulgi nods dumbly, Joohyun’s lips close to her ears sending her into a state of shock. “Y-yeah.”

**I Just**

“Seulgi-ya, this is a sad song!”

“I know, I know. But hear me out.”

* * *

_Seulgi doesn’t know where she’s going, all she knows is that she just needs to move. Get out of the building, get out of the dorm, clear her head. She walks and walks, her thoughts racing and tears threatening to spill out at any moment. Finally, after what may have been fifteen, twenty minutes or even an hour, she stops at one of the local parks._

_It’s not too late yet in the day, the sun is about to set, the sky turning a myriad of colors. There a couple of kids being herded inside by their parents, some couples cuddling in the corner, and in the middle by the swings, sits a familiar face._

_“What is she doing here?”_

_Before Seulgi can really think about what she’s doing, her feet move forward towards the swing set. Joohyun has her eyes trained to the sky, so engrossed in her thoughts that she doesn’t even notice that Seulgi has taken the swing beside her._

_“Joohyun unnie?”_

_Joohyun jumps from her seat but laughs when she realizes it’s only Seulgi._

_“Seulgi-ya! What are you doing here?”_

_“Just needed to clear my head so I decided to go for a walk. Then I ended up here, lucky for me, you’re here too.”_

_Joohyun gives Seulgi a small smile. They were friends, that Seulgi was sure of. But Seulgi knew there was a wall there. Joohyun was quiet, a lot of trainees were intimidated by her and she didn’t really hang out with a lot of people. They were friendly, sure, but it was only a handful of people that got to really spend time with Joohyun. (Seulgi knows she’s really lucky to be a part of that group.)_

_“What about you?”_

_“I just love the sky. I go here, from time to time, just watching the sunset. Or the sunrise, even.”_

_Seulgi makes a face and Joohyun laughs. “Sunrise? That’s so early.”_

_“It’s a good way to start the day. When I’m feeling overwhelmed… and when I miss my family… sometimes looking at the sky is a great reminder that we’re all together. And that there are things bigger than us, but it’s all right in the end.”_

_Seulgi nods and the older girl looks up at the sky again. Seulgi watches her at first, the brave and beautiful girl she’s so glad she can call a friend. Seulgi’s eyes turn to the sky, trying to see what Joohyun does._

_They spend the rest of the time in somewhat moderate silence. Joohyun would hum a song at times, and Seulgi would join in. Then, once the sun has finally set and the stars are starting to come out, Joohyun extends her hand from across the swing to Seulgi. “Do you want to go back?”_

_Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hand but shakes her head. “A few more minutes?”_

_Joohyun nods and looks up at the now dark sky._

_“Joohyunnie?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Have you ever felt scared?”_

_Joohyun lets go of their hands to twist the swing and face Seulgi. “I’m scared of many things. Heights… animals… thunder…”_

_Seulgi gives a small smile, “I mean, about debuting.”_

_“All the time.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Of course! I’m 20 already! I feel like I’ve barely begun training. I gave up college for this… I don’t know what to do if I don’t debut. I’m scared constantly, did I make the right choice? Did I get that dance move right? Did I hit that note?”_

_“Then how do you do it? How do you deal with the fear?”_

_Joohyun kicks off from the swing a bit as she thinks. “I try to enjoy the process. If I mess up, I learn. Always learning, always trying to be my best at practice. If I get that dance move wrong, I keep practicing until I get it right. I’m scared that I won’t ever debut, but at the same time, if I don’t give it my all, at the end of the day I won’t have anyone to blame but myself.”_

_“But what if, after all that, you still won’t debut?”_

_“Hmm… I’ve thought about that. I’ll most probably cry for a bit, go back to Daegu for a month or so, but I know myself better than that. I’ll pick myself up, find another way, or I don’t know maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me that I belong as an announcer. Who knows?” Joohyun continues, her eyes never leaving Seulgi, though the younger girl has taken great interest in the dirt below. “There’s no way of knowing what will happen. But I chose this path, and I continue to choose it every day.”_

_“Unnie… you’re so wise.”_

_“Maybe it’s the age talking.”_

_Seulgi grins, “You said that, not me!”_

_Joohyun smiles back, but then she turns serious. “What’s wrong, Seulgi? Why are you asking?”_

_“It’s nothing. Just curious.”_

_Joohyun jumps off her swing and gently puts a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. “Hey, you can tell me anything, you know that right? I’m here for you. Are you okay?”_

_‘Are you okay?’ That’s all it takes for all of the tears that Seulgi’s bottled up to start flowing. Seulgi cries and cries and Joohyun pulls her off the swing and into her arms. “Shh, it’s okay, Seulgi-ya. It’s okay.”_

_They move to a bench, and thankfully, everyone else in the park has left. Seulgi is still wrapped in the smaller girl’s arms, the tears flowing, most probably drenching her shirt. After what seems like hours but what is most probably only a couple of minutes, the tears start to dry and Seulgi’s breathing slowly returns to normal._

_“S-sorry.”_

_“Hey, don’t apologize. It’s okay.” Joohyun continues to rub Seulgi’s back._

_“I should explain.”_

_“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”_

_“No, I want to. I trust you, unnie.” Seulgi leans into Joohyun. “I came back from school today and went to the dorm. There was another empty bed. This is the third one in two months! And it hurts because I lost another friend. And it feels too soon and too sudden. And you know what? They asked me. They asked me to go with them, to leave.”_

_“What did you say?”_

_“I said no. I wanted to stay. And now I feel like an idiot because they’re gone and I’m still here, still training. What if I’m doing this for nothing? What if they’re right? All my friends are gone. Maybe I should have just left with them.”_

_The_ _tears start to flow again._

_"_ _Seulgi-ya…” Joohyun wipes the tears on Seulgi’s face with the sleeve of her shirt, then puts her hands firmly on Seulgi’s shoulders. “You’re not alone, you have friends. You have me. We’ll work hard together. We’ll practice as hard as we can. Okay?”_

_Seulgi sniffles and Joohyun continues. “You made the right choice, staying. I’m sure of it. You’re so talented. Your voice is amazing and when you dance, I’m always at a loss for words. And you’re so beautiful and charming, you’d make the perfect idol. This company would be stupid if they didn’t debut you.”_

_“But what if-“_

_Joohyun shakes her head. “No, there’s no what ifs. I’m sure that you’re the perfect idol. We just have to work hard to make sure it comes true, okay? We’ll work hard every day. We’ll train every day. Then one day, I promise you, we’ll get on that stage and debut together.”_

_“If-”, Joohyun glares at Seulgi’s words. “If we don’t?”_

_“If in the minuscule chance we don’t debut... We’ll figure that out also. Together. Okay?”_

_Seulgi squeezes Joohyun tightly. “Thank you, Joohyun-unnie. Don’t leave me.”_

_“I won’t.”_

“We think alike then.” Joohyun smiles. “I had to drag manager-unnie with me all the way to that same spot. I’m glad it still looks the same. So many things have changed in our life… but that swing set, it’s still there.”

“We should go back one time. Just you and me. Joohyunnie, I need you to know that when I saw the photo that you gave me… I was so happy because that moment was so important for me and I was so glad it stuck with you too. Because if not for you, that night, on that swing… I don’t know if we’d even be here tonight.”

“I’m glad you stayed, Seulgi. Really really glad.”

Seulgi gives Joohyun her signature eyesmile, “Me too, unnie.”

**Be Natural**

The third song starts playing and no words are exchanged. Joohyun’s head is gently resting on Seulgi’s shoulder as Seungwan’s voice fills the room. Nothing needs to be said. It was their first project together, their first dance, just the two of them. Sure, it was Seungwan’s voice they were hearing, but this song has always felt like it was theirs.

“Who would have thought we’d end up here. Performing on chairs in a dark studio, to actually performing it on stage in front of thousands as Red Velvet… then with Yerim too.”

“You know, when we first started… I was so scared I’d fall off the chair.” Seulgi admits.

“Not me.”

“You were never scared?”

“I mean, I was never scared that **_you’d_** fall. You and I practiced non-stop! I knew we’d do well.”

“You always have so much faith in me, unnie.”

“Always have, always will.”

Seulgi laughs, “When we performed this as Red Velvet, I remember that I kept hoping you would be the one doing the rap. I bet it would look so cool. You’d dominate everyone’s hearts.”

“You dummy, if I was rapping, I wouldn’t be on the chair dancing with you.”

Seulgi squeezes Joohyun’s arm. “You’re right, never mind. Taeyong can take it then.”

“This is still my favorite dance. I think it always will be.”

**Eyes Locked, Hands Locked**

Joohyun starts laughing as the song begins to play.

“Yah! Why are you laughing?”

“I bet you put this song in here because of the skinship.”

“You know me too well.”

“Of course, I do!” Joohyun is still laughing. “Like you said, it’s been 10 years. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the first time I wrapped my arm around yours, you literally froze! I thought I broke you!”

“I wasn’t used to it, okay!”

“There were so many people around us too at that time. I’m sure Yerim was laughing at your expression.”

“When is she not laughing at me?”

“But now, you’re okay with it, right?”

Seulgi puts her head on Joohyun’s shoulder and laces their arms together. “Hmm… What do you think?”

**Dear Diary**

“Speaking of Yerim… are you promoting her now?”

“Don’t tell her I put her song here, she’ll never let me live it down. But I know that we’ve been friends for 10 years, and a lot of that has been time spent with Yerim. I think she’s an important part of our relationship, you know? But I think it’s because she’s younger that it’s not the same as you and me… but Yerim has always been like our little sister.”

“More like our demon child.”

“Our child?”

“You were the one that said you raised her!”

“You’ll never let me live that down, huh?” Seulgi sighs dramatically.

“As the person that fed her and ironed her clothes, no.” Joohyun replies, shoving Seulgi. “But you can be the dad!”

“I don’t want to be the dad.”

“Well, too late. It’s been decided.”

* * *

_Joohyun takes out a box from the company’s refrigerator and gently arranges the candles on top of the pink and purple cake._

_“Hurry, unnie!”_

_“Okay, okay, lead the way!”_

_Joohyun follows Seulgi to one of the training rooms but doesn’t expect to hear a rhythm of tiny pounding on the door, “LET ME OUT! SEULGI-UNNIE!! JOHNNY-OPPA, LET ME OUT!!”_

_Johnny is on the floor, trying his best to hold in his laughter._

_“YAH! Kang Seulgi and Seo John. Did you lock Yerim in the training room?!”_

_“What?! You said to keep her busy!” The teenager defends._

_“This isn’t what I meant!”_

_“Oh my god, I think she’s starting to cry!” Seulgi says with her ear pressed against the door._

_“Then hurry!”_

_Seulgi lights the candles, while Johnny gets the key out to unlock the door._

_“I’m going to murder both of you later,” Joohyun huffs. “Okay, 1, 2, 3!”_

_The door opens and the tiny Kim Yerim falls out, her body still pressed against the door. The trio shouts, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YERIMIE!”_

_Yerim stops crying immediately, a look of bewilderment across her face, followed by pure joy as she stares at the huge cake as big as her face and topped with a unicorn. As soon as they stopped singing, Yerim blows out the candles and wraps her tiny arms around Joohyun. “Thank you, unnie!”_

_“Hey! What about us?” Seulgi asks._

_“You locked me in there!” Yerim shouts._

_“It was Johnny’s idea!”_

_“You’re the one who found the key!” Johnny defends, his arms crossed._

_“Oh my god, children stop fighting! Now, come on, let’s just eat cake okay?”_

_The three trainees nod and follow Joohyun into the room._

_“And Yerim-ah, don’t be mad at Seulgi. We went shopping and bought you a gift. Seulgi picked it out.”_

_“You did??” Yerim jumps as she gives Seulgi a hug. “Thank you, Seulgi-unnie.”_

_“What? I still don’t get a hug?”_

_Yerim sticks her tongue out the older boy, “No.”_

* * *

_“Seulgi-unnie! Can we go to Han River today?”_

_“All of the sudden?”_

_“Pleaaaaase. Joohyunnie said she’ll teach me how to ride a bike and she told me to ask you to come along.”_

_“She did?”_

_“Yup! Sooooooo, will you come with us?”_

_Yerim is tugging on Seulgi’s sleeve, and even if she is technically a teenager already, she knows that Seulgi is putty in her hands. “Okay, fine.”_

_“GREAT! We’ll meet you downstairs in 30 minutes!”_

_It’s the beginning of spring, and the cooler air means less bikers around the river. Seulgi watches as Joohyun holds onto the bike as Yerim tries to gain confidence in her balance._

_“Don’t let go!”_

_“You’ll be fine!”_

_“Unnie, don’t let go!!”_

_“Don’t worry, Yerimie. I’ll be right beside you the whole time. I promise.”_

_With that, Joohyun lets go of Yerim. The younger girl starts pedaling non-stop to keep her balance and true to her word, Joohyun runs beside Yerim until she decides to hit the brakes._

_“I DID IT! I DID IT! SEULGI UNNIE, DID YOU SEE THAT?!”_

_“YEAH! GREAT JOB, YERIM-AH!!”_

_Yerim turns around and bikes back to Seulgi, Joohyun walking behind her._

_“I can’t believe you ran beside her all the way.”_

_Joohyun shrugs. “Well, I promised.”_

_Once Yerim is confident enough in her newly acquired biking skills, Joohyun and Seulgi take a tandem bike and ride down Han River with Yerim excitedly biking beside them._

_“Can we get some dinner?”_

_“Sure, Seulgi will pay.”_

_“WHAT?!”_

_“Hey, I taught her how to bike. You can do this for her.”_

_“Fine, fine.”_

_“YAY!” Yerim jumps, crushing Seulgi into a hug and then Joohyun. “You guys are the best! Thank you, thank you!”_

_“She’s cute sometimes.” Joohyun says as she watches Yerim skip ahead towards the restaurant._

_“No, don’t say that. The more you think she’s cute, the more she’ll get under your skin and manipulate you.”_

_Joohyun rolls her eyes, “Always so dramatic, Seul.”_

_“MOM! DAD! HURRY UP!” Yerim shouts after them._

_“Dibs on mom!” Joohyun laughs before running after the teenager._

* * *

_“Yerimie? Are you okay?”_

_The younger girl responds with a grown._

_“Okay, I’ll take that as a no.” Seulgi says as she makes her way towards Yerim’s bed. The younger girl turns around to face her. “You’re so warm. Let me go get the medicine and your food.”_

_“Did you cook it? If you did, I might get worse.”_

_Seulgi glares at her and Yerim tries to give one of her sheepish smiles back, “You’re lucky you’re sick. I would’ve pushed you off the bed. And no, Joohyun-unnie made you some soup.”_

_“Okay good. Joohyun-unnie is a good cook unlike you. Can you stay with me for a while though?”_

_“Of course, Yerim-ah.”_

_Joohyun quietly enters the room with a tray of soup ready for the sick girl, when she suddenly stops and smiles at the sight before her. Seulgi is leaning against the wall, watching some video on her phone video while Yerim is fast asleep hugging the older girl tightly by the waist._

_“I think she’s drooling on you.”_

_“She’s definitely drooling on me. I can feel a wet spot on my shirt.” Seulgi slowly sits up, gently waking up the sick girl. “Okay, time to eat, Yerim-ah.”_

_Yerim blinks awake, slowly allowing Seulgi to help her sit up. The three of them sit on Yerim’s bed, watching videos on Seulgi’s phone until she finishes her food and takes her medicine._

_Joohyun pulls the blanket up to Yerim’s body. “Try to go back to sleep, okay? Feel better.”_

_Yerim yawns. “Love you guys.”_

_“Love you too.” As they exit the room, Seulgi smiles, “She’s really an angel when she’s sick.”_

_“And when she’s asleep. Okay, now you take a shower before you get sick too. I’ll ask Seungwan to look after Yerim.”_

* * *

“Oh, by the way, I want you to see the cover.” Seulgi reaches over and hands Joohyun the sleeve of the record. It was a sketch of her and Seulgi, the sketch that they attempted to do during their Christmas VLIVE all those months ago.

“Seulgi-ya, this is beautiful!”

“I finally finished it.”

“You fixed my work too.”

“Just a little bit.” Seulgi smiles.

“You’re amazing, Seulgi-ya.

Seulgi blushes at the compliment but says nothing in response. Instead, she stands up to flip the vinyl over and takes a seat again beside Joohyun.

“How many more songs left?”

Seulgi can feel her heart start to race, because the closer they are to the end, the closer Seulgi is at confessing everything to Joohyun. “Five more.”

Seulgi remembers Seungwan’s advice and her mind chants, _“Don’t you wait no more, don’t you wait no more, don’t you wait no more.”_ until the next song starts playing.


	3. all that we can be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the final half

**Rebirth**

“You said it in your note to me…”

“My life is better because you’re in it.” Joohyun repeats.

“It’s the same for me too.” Seulgi says, now playing with the loose thread of her blanket. “I’ve always had a hard time getting really close to people. I can be friendly on the surface, but it doesn’t get deeper… Plus, I can get awkward and get too nervous about what I’m going to say or if I’m making a fool of myself. But you… because of you… I learned to just be me. I’m still awkward and clumsy and that’s okay, you made me realize it’s okay. It’s easy for me to show every side of myself because I know at the end of the day, someone will accept me and love me no matter what.”

“After ten years with you… it’s not that I’m a different person. It’s just that I’m more myself, you know? With a few improvements.” Seulgi chuckles.

Joohyun holds Seulgi’s hands to get the bear to look at her, “You say that I do all those things for you, when you’ve always done the same for me. I know I can be cold… or that I look like I don’t care… but because of you, I’ve learned to open up. I’ve learned to let people in my life. You are a really important person in my life, Kang Seulgi. I will always be grateful for you. Yah… are you crying?”

“Just a little bit.” Seulgi laughs. “I’m just very grateful.”

**Lady’s Room**

Seulgi can feel her palms start to sweat as the next song starts playing.

“Seven. One step closer,” Seulgi thinks, before turning to Joohyun, “I- I have something to tell you.”

* * *

_Red Velvet wasn’t the type of group to go out to clubs and party. Sure, they’d drink, but usually in smaller private spaces or in the comfort of their dorm. Joohyun and Seungwan were introverts and didn’t really enjoy being out in a huge crowd beyond their group, Yerim and Sooyoung had many friends but had always said that the club scene didn’t suit them and Seulgi was happy spending time wherever the others are. But tonight, Sooyoung-unnie was celebrating her birthday and everyone from everywhere was invited. Taeyon-unnie was there, even Tiffany-unnie flew back from the US to celebrate. There were some actors and actresses that Seulgi hasn’t even met yet, and of course different people from all over SM._

_It’s still early in the night but Yerim and the younger Sooyoung are nowhere to be seen. However, based on the shouting, Seulgi is almost a hundred percent sure that they’re in the crowd enjoying the dance floor. They’re most probably with Taeyeon-unnie anyway so Seulgi counts them as safe._

_Seungwan on the other hand, is getting louder. She walks, well, stumbles, up to Seulgi and Joohyun and points at the bottle of soju in her hand. “Unnie, look! It’s you!”_

_Joohyun laughs and takes the bottle from Seungwan, “Yes, it’s me.”_

_They sit Seungwan down and Seulgi casually takes a sip of her own drink, already mindful that she’s one drink away from being tipsy and a maybe a couple more before she gets wasted. Seungwan is dancing beside their table, pulling Seulgi up to dance with her. Before she knows it, the duo is doing crazy dances, each trying to one-up the other all while Joohyun laughs and takes videos._

_The moment Joohyun stops laughing, Seulgi notices immediately. After all, Joohyun’s laugh is so loud and so special that its loss can be felt instantly. Seulgi sees a smile one Joohyun’s face, and Seulgi realizes that Joohyun is smiling at another girl across the room._

_“That’s weird,” Seulgi thinks. “Joohyun-unnie doesn’t usually smile at strangers.”_

_At some point in the night, the group comes together for a round of shots, before the maknaes disappear into the larger crowd and the unnies enjoy drinking and dancing on the side. Familiar faces stop to talk, everyone having an amazing time._

_The girl from earlier approaches and talks to Joohyun, not bothering to introduce herself to Seulgi and Seungwan and they disappear for a moment._

_Seulgi decides not to think about it too much and pulls Heechul in for a drink with her and Seungwan. When Joohyun returns, the girl is no longer with her and Seulgi notes that Joohyun’s mood has definitely shifted for the worse. But Seulgi wraps her arm around Joohyun’s shoulder and the older girl smiles and Seulgi knows her unnie will be okay._

_Around midnight, champagne is passed around for a toast to Sooyoung. “I LOVE YOU, MY FELLOW SOOYOUNG!” is heard in the crowd and the crowd laughs at their original maknae._

_“CHEERS!” The room shouts._

_On instinct, Seulgi immediately puts her hands over Joohyun’s ears as the party poppers explode and confetti flies all over. “Thank you,” Joohyun smiles, placing her hands over Seulgi’s._

_Seulgi notices the girl in the crowd again, this time looking at her and Joohyun. Joohyun excuses herself again after the confetti and cheering dies down while Seungwan is now slumped in the chair, trying her best to sober up._

_“Wannie.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Do you see that girl over there? The one by the bar?” Seulgi waits for her to nod, “Who is she?”_

_“I dunno… I don’t think I’ve seen her around. Why?”_

_“It’s just… she was smiling at unnie a while ago. Then they talked and unnie disappeared with her… then she kept looking at us during the toast.”_

_“Weird. Wait, where’d she go?”_

_“Come on, let’s look for her.” Seulgi pulls Seungwan up to search for the mysterious girl._

_They check the lady’s room first. Seulgi lets Seungwan wet her face and a part of Seulgi even considered waiting for all the girls in the stall to exit to make sure the girl isn’t in there. But as Seungwan said, “Let’s not be too creepy. She might be unnie’s friend and we’ll scare her away.” Sighing, they head towards the bar, through the crowd, and even take a lap around the party venue._

_“Seul? I know it’s important we find this girl but can we go outside for a bit? That champagne really tipped me over and I think the air will help me sober up plus it might help you think too!”_

_Seulgi agrees, guiding Seungwan by the arm until they reach the balcony. As soon as they open the glass door, Seulgi is knocked back by the mysterious woman storming out. Seungwan turns around, ready to fight for her best friend but Seulgi simply pulls her back and points outside. On the dark couch sits Joohyun, quietly staring out into the night sky._

_“Unnie?” Seulgi asks, sitting beside the older girl, and making sure Seungwan is seated properly as well._

_“Seulgi? Seungwan? What are you two doing out here?”_

_“Looking for y-”_

_“Looking for that weird lady that keeps looking at you! Like who is she! And she hit Seulgi on her way out!” Seungwan starts to rant._

_“Seungwan. Lower your voice.”_

_“Oh, sorry, unnie.”_

_They’re quiet for a while, the cold air exactly what Seungwan needs to sober up and exactly what Seulgi needs to clear her head. “Unnie, who was she?”_

_Joohyun says nothing for a while, just looking up at the sky, like she always does. “I hope you won’t look at me differently after.”_

_“You’ll always be our unnie.” Seungwan says._

_Seulgi adds, “You’ll always be our Joohyun.”_

_“She was a trainee the same time as us, Seulgi.” Joohyun starts and then tells them everything._

_The girl was older than Joohyun by two years and was already working part time when she trained in SM. Because of her schedule, she only ever trained with Joohyun late at night or really early in the morning. She only lasted a couple of months before she was offered a full-time position and decided to give up on her dream to be a solo artist. Now, she works for a TV production company, where she met Sooyoung-unnie. Joohyun couldn’t believe that the girl remembered her after all this time and was even more surprised when she went up to talk to her._

_“Where did you go when she talked to you? You looked so upset after.”_

_Joohyun takes a deep breath, “I- we- we went out here. She said she wanted to talk… the last time we spoke… it didn’t end well.”_

_Seulgi and Seungwan huddles closer together for warmth, and partly because Joohyun’s voice is dropping down to a whisper._

_“The day she told me she was going to quit… She admitted to me that she had a crush on me.” Joohyun admits, as she fiddles with her hands. “She asked me if I felt the same… and I said no. Because I didn’t. We fought and that was the last time I saw her.”_

_Joohyun looks up again, not at the stars, but rather, to stop the tears that are threatening to fall. “Tonight, she talked to me again… told me how she’s been. How she watches my performances. Then… she kissed me.” Another deep breath. “And I kissed her back.”_

_Seulgi blames the sudden weird feeling in her stomach on the alcohol._

_“And then?” Seungwan asks._

_“Did you hear what I told you? I kissed her back. It’s just… I hadn’t… in a while…” Joohyun looks at Seulgi but her voice is shaking, “I- I like girls, only girls.”_

_“Oh.” Seulgi says. “But why were you mad afterwards?”_

_Joohyun wonders if Seulgi is drunk and is registering what she’s confessing. But the leader figures she’ll deal with it afterwards, “When I realized what was happening… I pushed her away. I didn’t want to kiss her. It’s just been a while and the alcohol… and the past. So, I stopped it, and she got angry and I then I got angry too.”_

_“Then what happened just now?”_

_“She followed me out here again, she apologized for kissing me first because it’s been years since we last saw each other and she asked for my number, she wanted to contact me so we could go on a date on something. I said no.”_

_Seulgi’s stomach does a weird flip and she swears the mix of the soju, vodka, tequila and champagne must have not been a great idea after all._

_“Oh. Then she got mad?”_

_Joohyun nods, “Said I led her on.”_

_“Well, you didn’t have to give her your number if you didn’t want to!” Seulgi huffs, crossing her arms._

_“Yeah! If you don’t wanna date her, she can’t force you!” Seungwan stands up in agreement._

_“Seungwan, sit down. Lower your voice please.” Joohyun pleads, “Are you guys mad at me? Or… it’s okay if you need to process everything.”_

_“Why would we be mad at you? Unnie, thank you for telling us. It’s your secret to tell and we love you just the same.” Seulgi says, pulling Joohyun into a hug._

_“Same thing Kang said! Love who you love, Joohyunnie! Besides, it’s great to know I’m not the only one.”_

_“Wait. Huh?” Joohyun says, as she lets go of Seulgi._

_“What do you mean ‘I’m not the only one’?” Seulgi asks._

_“What do you mean? I’ve already told you multiple times I’d be willing to date Chungha should the opportunity arise, and I keep asking you to introduce us.” Seungwan shrugs._

_“I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING!” Seulgi laughs. “Okay, I’ll introduce the two of you.”_

_“Nice. Now, group hug!” Seungwan pulls Seulgi and Joohyun in amid the older girl’s protests. Somehow, Sooyoung and Yerim find themselves in the balcony at the same exact time._

_“Group hug!” Sooyoung cries, bounding over to the group._

_“You’re all so lame.” Yerim snorts, before being pulled in to the group hug by Seulgi._

* * *

“I need to be honest with you too. Like you were with us, that night.”

Joohyun tilts her head to the side and Seulgi is trying her best to not get lost into her big brown eyes.

“I-I like girls too. Actually, I think I’m gay. Well, a lesbian. Anyway, the point is… I didn’t know it at that time. I didn’t know it until recently actually. Because I never really thought about it. I never thought about guys in any romantic way nor was I ever really attracted to them. But I thought it was just because we were so busy that they never crossed my mind. Then… when I realized I liked someone- I mean – girls in general, it all made sense to me. It all clicked. All the women I thought I was admiring, but actually had a huge crush on. All the friendships that kind of broke my heart when they ended up with a guy…”

“We all discover things in our own time.” Joohyun says, squeezing Seulgi’s hand under the blanket. “I guess the fans were right. Lee Sooman really did accidentally create KPOP’s gayest girl group.”

“You mean, you, me and Seungwan?”

“Ah, my little bear. Do you not hear Yerim always talking about her dates?”

“I thought she was always just hanging out with Chaeyoung!” 

Joohyun raises her eyebrows at Seulgi, “A candlelit dinner with your friend for four weekends straight? Not to mention, Nayeon is never with them when we all know she’s like a sister to Yerimie too.”

“Okay, okay. Fine. You got me. But Sooyoung also?? Wasn’t she texting that guy-”

Joohyun laughs, “And that girl too. She says they’re nice enough, but Sooyoung keeps saying they’re not who she wants to be with.”

“Huh? Then who does Sooyoung like?”

“Yah, Kang Seulgi, keep your eyes open. You’ll see.”

**Candy**

The moment Sooyoung’s voice is heard singing, ‘Stuck on you, by your side, yeah’, Seulgi’s heart starts pounding in her chest. _Eight._

Seulgi takes another deep breath and is about to say something when Joohyun beats her to it.

“You know, this song always reminds me of you.”

“Me? Why?”

Joohyun turns her body away from Seulgi, watching the vinyl play on the record player. “There are times when I can’t sleep… I think about what life would be without you. And it scares me sometimes… at how different it would be. And sometimes, the reason why I’m awake is because I’m afraid that you’ll leave because of something I’ve done.”

“Hyunnie…”

“I don’t really care about what strangers think of me because they don’t know me, but I care about what you all think. I care about what **_you_** think.” Joohyun looks at Seulgi, her eyes starting to water, “I get so scared that one day, you’ll finally realize what a horrible person I am.”

“Hyunnie… you’re one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know. Why would I ever think you’re a horrible person?”

* * *

_Seulgi is waiting outside the performance hall, wringing her hands in worry. She hates the feeling she gets in her gut every time evaluations are over. A part of her wants to throw up, or faint, but she knows that doing so within the building will not give her any leeway and will most probably cause the trainers to scrutinize her further._

_Seulgi is clear for the day, and despite the praises in her performance, Seulgi knows that it’s not a guarantee that she’ll be hearing those words again. The bearlike girl is deep in worry when the door suddenly slams open, shaking her out of her thoughts._

_Out comes Joohyun, a look of annoyance on her face. “Joohyun unnie!” Seulgi calls, but Joohyun doesn’t seem to hear her and keeps walking down the hallway._

_“Unnie!” Seulgi tries again._

_Seulgi jogs lightly, trying to catch up to the older girl. Before she can even get a hold of Joohyun’s arm, the girl in question turns around._

_“LEAVE ME ALONE, SEULGI!! GO AWAY!!”_

_Seulgi stops dead in her tracks, a look of shock etched on her face. Sure, Joohyun was scary sometimes but she’s never lost her temper at Seulgi, much less shout at her. Joohyun looks just as shocked as Seulgi feels, but before Seulgi can say anything, Joohyun runs out the building._

_Seulgi doesn’t see Joohyun that night nor the day after. She hasn’t been in the dorms or been showing up to the group dance practice. It’s almost a week since she last saw Joohyun, and just when shei thinks that Joohyun is about to go back on their promise and quit, she hears a timid knock on the door._

_“Hi.”_

_“Hi.”_

_“Can I come in?”_

_Seulgi doesn’t know where the confidence comes from when she asks, “Will you shout at me again?”_

_Joohyun shakes her head, and Seulgi lets her in. The older girl takes a seat on Seulgi’s bed, waiting for her friend to join her. But Seulgi chooses to sit on the bed across instead. “Seulgi-ya… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you and be mean… Are you mad at me?”_

_“I’m not mad… But I’m hurt, Joohyun unnie. You said we’re in this together… and I saw you were upset and you just shouted at me and pushed me away. I thought I was your friend.”_

_“You are! I- I was frustrated and I shouldn’t have let it out on you. I’m really sorry, Seulgi-ya. You don’t deserve it. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me for a while…”_

_“Yah, unnie. Don’t be so dramatic. I forgive you. I’ve missed you, you know.”_

_“I missed you too.” Joohyun says as she puts her head on Seulgi’s shoulder._

_“Are you going to tell me what happened?”_

_“Is it okay if I don’t?”_

_Seulgi nods and squeezes Joohyun’s hand. “But if you want to talk about it I’m here, okay?”_

_“Thanks, Seul. Oh! I have an idea!” Joohyun lifts her head to look at Seulgi. “Let’s make a pact.”_

_“A pact?”_

_“Yeah! Well, mostly for me since you’re so nice. But let’s make a pact to never shout at each other ever again, okay? We can cheer for each other and shout then, but if we’re angry or tired or frustrated, we have to promise not to, okay?”_

_Seulgi just nods in agreement. “O-okay.”_

_“Promise me! They’re always shouting at us when we make mistakes or when we do poorly or gain weight or even get a pimple! We shouldn’t do it to each other. Okay? I promise that I won’t shout at you ever again, Seulgi-ya. I promise to talk to you when I have problems and to be honest.”_

_Seulgi takes Joohyun’s outstretched pinky, “I promise too, unnie.”_

_Suddenly, Seulgi laughs. “Yah, what’s funny?”_

_“I just thought you’d make a great leader.”_

_Joohyun smiles brightly, “Only if you’re by my side.”_

_“Of course! Kang Seulgi, your right hand, reporting for duty!”_

* * *

“Sometimes, I’m afraid that I’ll break our promise. I’m afraid that the Joohyun that snaps when she’s frustrated will just appear and all of you will look at me differently. Like she might still be there inside of me.”

“It’s been years, unnie, and all those times, no matter how annoying Sooyoung and Yerim are when they fight or when they join forces and gang up on me or no matter how much Seungwan talks, or how much I eat and crack my knucles, you’ve never raised your voice at us. It’s okay to be frustrated… and we’re all here to help take the burden off.”

“I know… but sometimes I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”

Seulgi thinks for a moment, and figures now is as good a time as any, “I’m afraid to lose you too.”

“There’s nothing you can do that’ll make me want to leave you, Seul.”

“You say that now…”

“And I’ll say it then.”

“It’s easy for you to say.”

“It’s easy for me to do too. You have no idea how easy it is to be around you, Seulgi-ya. How easy it is to choose you, to support you and stay by your side.”

“You won’t leave?”

“Of course not, dummy. Why would I?” Joohyun laughs before she sees the expression on Seulgi’s face. “Seulgi-ya… What’s wrong?”

Seulgi blinks, she can hear the song about to end and her head is screaming, _THERE’S NO TURNING BACK NOW._

“Just listen.”

**Little Little**

The ninth song is starting to play and Seulgi doesn’t know what to do with herself. She knows that the other songs were just declarations of friendship, confirmations of how much she appreciates Joohyun, but this song was different. It was the most direct confession Seulgi could think of without saying the words outright.

_“You’re gonna end up stuttering and rambling like a fool, so maybe just a pick a song that just conveys how you feel.” Seungwan had told Seulgi when the latter told her best friend her plans._

Seulgi is watching Joohyun from the corner of her eyes, waiting for a reaction. The older girl sings along at first, but Seulgi catches the exact moment that Joohyun freezes in understanding.

**_This feeling is probably_ **

**_Love love love_ **

****

“Seulgi-ya…”

Seulgi doesn’t move, she’s not even sure she’s breathing because she can feel the woman she loves staring at her. Seulgi feels stupid, why did she listen to Seungwan anyway? The lyrics are so straightforward, **_too_** straightforward for Joohyun to think about it any other way.

_“What if she doesn’t feel the same way? Maybe this was a dumb idea, maybe I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined it for all of us-“_

“Seulgi-ya… I can see you thinking.” Joohyun laughs lightly. “Look at me please.”

Reluctantly, Seulgi turns to face Joohyun, expecting disgust and hatred at most or confusion and pity at the very least. But Seulgi is utterly surprised at the soft look Joohyun gives her.

The older girl looks into Seulgi’s eyes, and Seulgi can’t help but gravitate closer towards her. What does she say? What can she say? Should she apologize? Seulgi’s thoughts are racing and her heart is pounding in her ears.

Joohyun brushes Seulgi’s cheeks and Seulgi leans into the older woman’s touch, a touch that has always brought her comfort and calmed whatever worries she had at any given time.

“I’m so-“ Seulgi starts to apologize but is cut off by soft lips, and small delicate fingers threading through her hair. It takes Seulgi approximately three seconds before she realizes that she should be kissing back. For all the times that Seulgi has stared at Joohyun’s lips, never in her entire life did she think she would ever get to know what it feels like against hers.

The kissing suddenly stops way too quickly and Seulgi she shakes her head, her mind trying to wrap around what had just happened. “Hyunnie? Is this okay?”

“Finally.” Joohyun smiles brightly and Seulgi’s heart jumps before she’s being pulled in close and Joohyun is kissing her once again.

The second time around, Seulgi’s brain is fully registering the sensation that is Joohyun’s lips. Her lips are incredibly soft, but the kiss itself is firm, reassuring. It’s as if Joohyun is telling Seulgi kiss after kiss that this is real, that Joohyun wants this too, and that she knows what she’s doing.

“Wait, wait.” Seulgi pulls away again and kisses Joohyun on the cheek instead. “The last song is about to play. I need you to listen to it too.”

“Do I have to?” Joohyun pouts but Seulgi gives her a peck on the lips with a reassuring, “It’ll be quick, I promise.”

So Joohyun stops but continues to cuddle close to Seulgi.

As soon as the piano instrumental begins playing, Joohyun starts hitting Seulgi’s arm. “You dummy, Kang Seulgi.”

“What did I do now??”

“I can’t believe you stopped kissing me because of this. Of course, dummy. Of course, I would.”

“Really? You will? Like, you’ll be my girlfriend?”

“Even if this is a very cheesy way to do it, yes I will. I love you, Seulgi-ya. I’ve loved you for so long. You have no idea.”

Seulgi eyes turn into crescents and places a quick kiss on Joohyun’s forehead. “I love you too, my Baechunnie. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

“We just have to make up for lost time then, no?” Joohyun says, as she pulls the collar of Seulgi’s shirt. “Now come on and kiss me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... there you go! Let me know what you think? :) Hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Also, I have some bonus chapters featuring the other RV members that I'll either add to this or make into a series!


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